


How long will I love you?

by smkkbert



Series: In Another Life [1]
Category: Station 19 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, vicley - Freeform, what if
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27764407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smkkbert/pseuds/smkkbert
Summary: What if things had been different and Ripley had never left Grey Sloan after he has been brought in after collapsing?>> The first in what I hope will be a series of stories about what could have happened if Ripley hadn't died.
Relationships: Victoria Hughes & Lucas Ripley, Victoria Hughes/Lucas Ripley
Series: In Another Life [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2031058
Comments: 24
Kudos: 47





	How long will I love you?

Holding his breath, Lucas listened to the dialing tone and hoped that she would take the call this time. He even sent a prayer to a God that he wasn’t entirely sure he believed in. He needed her to take his call and listen to what he had to tell her. She hadn’t done so the first thirteen times that he had tried to call her yet.

_I can’t take your call, so do you thing._

The singsong of her voice made him smile most days. Today, Lucas groaned though because hearing her voice on voicemail just wasn’t enough. He needed more. He needed Vic.

He shot Sully, who was standing next to his bed and watching him with alerted eyes, a meaningful glance, shaking his head. Even without that, Lucas was sure that Sully had already guessed from his reaction that Vic hadn’t taken the call. Again.

“Victoria.” He said her full name, letting it roll off his lips so damn easily. “I know you’re mad, but I can explain everything, okay? In person. Just please call me back. Please.”

He ended the call and instantly dialed her number again.

“You think this phone terror is going to make her pick up?”

“Probably not,” Lucas replied honestly, “but it’s all I can do.”

His thumb was already hovering over the button to take the call when a thought came to his mind. With his thumb still hovering there, he pursed his lips slightly. Maybe it wasn’t all that he could do. Maybe there was something else.

“Don’t.”

Surprised, Lucas lifted his gaze towards Sullivan to see him looking at him with a strict expression in his eyes. He had crossed his arms in front of his chest, staring down at him with slightly narrowed eyes.

“Don’t what?”

“Whatever you have just been thinking about.” He dipped his head a tiny bit forward. “Don’t.”

Lucas felt the right corner of his lips tugging slightly. After all these years, Sully still knew him so very well. For a long time, he had been the only friend he had had. He definitely had been the best friend he had ever had. He had missed their friendship quite a lot if he was honest.

Right now, finding Vic was just so much more important to him.

“I don’t know what you mean.” He cleared his throat and tightened his fingers around his phone, lowering it to his lap. “You know, I am actually kind of hungry. Do you think you could-“

“Get you something to eat from the cafeteria, so you can sneak out of this room and out of the hospital to find Hughes?”

Apparently, Sully still knew him a lot better than Lucas had been giving him credit for so far. After all these years and no matter how far they had drifted apart since Claire’s death, they still knew each other as well as they had when they had still been friends.

Lucas thought about denying it and pretending that he had no idea what Sully was talking about, but he knew it was hopeless. Sully would detect the lie, and it might damage the bit of friendship they had rebuilt in the last weeks. He couldn’t have that.

“Man, I just- I just really need to see her.”

“You will,” he replied with firm voice, making it sound like it was all so very simple, “but not by leaving the hospital. You heard what Dr. Pierce said. You’ve got a heart condition and further symptoms that don’t line up to that yet, so it could be anything. You need to stay here where you are watched by the doctors. You fainted, walking down the sidewalk. Who knows what else will happen?”

Of course Sully’s words held some truth. Apart from the slight cold he seemed to have caught, he had been doing fine. He couldn’t even remember what had happened between leaving that flower shop and waking up in the hospital. Waking up, all he had known had been that he needed to see Vic. She hadn’t been there with him, only his doctors and Sully had.

Dr. Pierce had also mentioned that sudden loss of consciousness was a typical symptom of this heart condition he had. You could live with this condition for months or even years without any symptoms occurring. Why had his body decided to start showing symptoms at the worst timing possible? Couldn’t he have made it to the diner and tell Vic yes before he collapsed?

Apparently not, but it did make him wonder.

“She proposed to me, you know?” Lucas said after a moment, looking at Sully. “She proposed to me, and I said nothing.”

Sully was quiet for a long moment, and Lucas wondered if telling him about it was wrong. Sully had listened to him when he had asked him for advice about dating Vic in the first place. He had suggested grabbing a beer together when Lucas had asked him for confirmation of how firefighters of different ranks could be together and work for the same department when they were married.

Maybe, actually talking about getting married, was too much for him though. He had blamed Lucas for Claire’s death for a very long time. Maybe he still did. Lucas wasn’t sure about that. Either way, he certainly didn’t want to hear about Lucas getting married.

“I thought you said you weren’t getting married.”

Or maybe he was wrong. Again.

“We weren’t.” Lucas closed his eyes and felt a chuckle rising in his throat. “But now we might.”

Sully’s eyebrow perked up slightly, and Lucas could almost hear what he was thinking. He couldn’t even hold it against him.

“It’s not just to save our jobs,” Lucas explained, “but because we love each other. This is real. We are getting married for real. That is if Vic will ever pick up the phone and let me explain why I stood her up at the diner.”

Lucas felt his stomach drop slightly at the thought of how Vic must have felt, sitting in their diner and waiting for him. He could only imagine what was going through her head right now, what she was thinking why he hadn’t shown up. After his silent reaction to her proposal, the fact that he hadn’t showed up certainly hadn’t made him look too great in her eyes. It only made his need to talk to her grow even more urgent.

“You really love Hughes, don’t you?”

Looking at Sully, Lucas found nothing but interest there. There was no resentment, no anger. He honestly just wanted to know.

So Lucas nodded his head. “More than I knew I did until last night.”

“So you really wanna do it? Getting married? Again?”

Sully had been with him when his first marriage had gone to pieces. They had spent their days together, working shift after shift, and they had spent the nights together at Joe’s to take drink after drink. In particularly bad nights, Sully had let him crush on his couch. Claire had never said anything against it, not even once. She had always just set an extra plate for breakfast and handed him a coffee.

By the time that Eva had filed for divorce, Sully had already quit on their friendship. He had been around when it had started falling to pieces though which had started shortly after their had gotten married.

After those two terrible attempts at making marriage work for him and seeing how much his wife’s loss had destroyed Sully, Lucas hadn’t really believed in marriage anymore. He definitely hadn’t believed that he should get married again.

But now here he was, planning on getting married to someone that he had only been dating to a couple of months and whose relationship with him could easily cost both of them their jobs. Married or not, the department of Human Resources would ask their questions, and everyone working in the department would have their opinion. It wouldn’t be easy, but it was going to be worth it.

“I want to get married to Vic, yes.” Lucas nodded his head. “And I want her to know that I want to get married to her. For that, I have to leave this hospital and find her.”

“Or,” Sully said, stepping towards the bed to keep Lucas from getting out of it, “you let me call her for you.”

Lucas perked up his eyebrows. “You?”

“If I call her, she thinks it’s about work and picks up. I can explain everything to her and ask her to come here.”

“You would do that?” Lucas asked. “For me?”

Sully put his hands to his hips, released a long breath and nodded his head slowly.

“I might have decided that I have been angry at you for long enough now,” he said, his voice quiet, “and that maybe the only reason I have been angry with you in the first place has been the fact that I needed someone to be angry with. You have just happen to be there at the wrong time. I didn’t really have anyone else to blame but you, especially since I was too scared to blame myself.”

“Claire’s death wasn’t your fault, Robert.” Lucas rarely called him by his first name, but he felt like he had to now. “It was an accident that nobody was at fault for. We did everything we could, but we couldn’t save her, and that wasn’t our fault either.”

“Yeah.” Sully nodded slowly. “I guess I can see that too now. I just couldn’t before because-”

“You don’t have to explain yourself.” Lucas whispered the words, but it was enough to make Sully go quiet. “I have never lost a spouse, but I have watched Vic running into burning buildings a couple of times since this between us started, and I couldn’t breathe before she got out although I know how very good she is at her job. The thought of losing her…”

He didn’t finish because there were no words to explain how he felt at the bare thought of losing her. Actually losing her would probably damage him more than he could possibly fathom right now. He had seen Sully grieving Claire, but you never truly understood until it happened to you.

God forbid, he ever had to experience it.

“I will call Hughes for you now,” Sully said, putting a hand on his shoulders, “so don’t worry. Everything will be fine. She will come here. You can say yes. Dr. Pierce will do surgery on you. Everything will be fine.”

Lucas nodded his head. He really hoped that Sully was right. Otherwise, he would have to go for his backup plan to find Vic after all. There was no way he would waste anymore time, sitting here and just waiting for her to finally talk to him. Time was precious, and he wanted to spend every second of time that he got with Vic.

* * *

There was a dull feeling in the pit of her stomach. It had been there the entire time since she had realized that Lucas wouldn’t meet her at the diner. She should have known that this would happen. If he had considered her proposal or had even just considered talking to her about it, he wouldn’t have suggested meeting at their diner in the morning. He would have considered meeting at her place in the evening. It was more private and who needed a full night of thinking about this anyway?

Unless he hadn’t slept about it because he had made his decision already. His silence should have tipped her off on that possibility earlier. Maybe Lucas hadn’t taken the time to think about what to do with her proposal and rather gone through different possibilities of making it clear to her that he didn’t want to get married to her. Who knew, maybe he had also worked on finding a way to get a clean cut which wouldn’t be easy since they were still working in the same department.

Or was she was getting fired now?

These last few months, they hadn’t really dared to think about a future where they could be together in public. Obviously, they had had good reasons not to think about that. They had just started to look into options, and now it was over already.

They hadn’t really thought about what would happen if they ended their thing, either. They hadn’t really thought that would happen and, unlike those couple of days after their fight about her telling Travis, they couldn’t avoid each other the entire time. That probably meant that one of them had to leave the department and, given that he was the head of this department, it would have to be her.

Her stomach twisted even more. She loved her job. The very reason, she and Lucas had tried to keep it a secret was that she loved her job just as much as he did. Neither of them had wanted to give it up, and now she might have to.

Then again, she didn’t really believe that Lucas was that kind of guy who would fire or relocate her just so he didn’t have to work with her. She hadn’t believed he was the kind of guy who would let her wait for him at their place when he didn’t plan on coming there either.

Vic guessed you never really knew a person until they showed you their true face.

When she entered the coffee processing plant, Travis was the first one from Station 19 that she noticed. Without saying a word, she grabbed a shover and stepped next to him, so she could help him.

“Heard we got called back in to help with overhaul,” she said when he noticed her and tried to ignore his scrutinizing eyes on her. She wasn’t really successful though.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, not quite respecting her attempt at ignoring his eyes either. “What happened with, uh…”

Travis shot a quick look around like he was worried that someone might hear him. He knew that nobody should know about this. Even he shouldn’t have actually known about it.

“He didn’t show,” Vic replied, trying to make her voice sound matter-of-factly, but the bitterness was audible through it, “and now I’m getting back to work, okay. I need to work.”

Although Travis looked like he wanted to say something else, he didn’t. He just nodded his head, and they started working side by side. Like so often, Vic found some consolatory in her work. Unlike other times, it didn’t make her forget what she was trying so hard to forget.

All night, she had lain awake in bed, thinking about how their conversation would go. She had known that there had been a reasonable chance that he would say no. He had told her he loved her repeatedly, but they hadn’t been together for long, and he had said that he wouldn’t agree to getting married again easily. After his two failed attempts at marriage, he wanted to make sure that it was really going to last before he tried again.

She and Lucas were great together. They understood that their jobs put them at risks and that they were unpredictable which was something most people couldn’t deal with. They shared the love for rush of adrenaline, so they enjoyed trying new, adventurous hobbies. Apart from that, they could talk for hours, but they could also be silent together. They had a lot of fun. They trusted each other. They harmonized in bed.

Now she had lost all of that, and she couldn’t even show how mad she was at him in front of anyone else but Travis and maybe Gibson. Nobody else had known about them, so nobody could know that she was mad at him. For everyone else, nothing had really changed.

The ringing of Travis’ phone made Vic flinch. She shot him a slightly pissed glance that he probably didn’t really deserve.

“Haven’t you switched off your phone?”

“We are working the extra shift voluntarily,” he said with a shrug of his shoulders, “and it’s not like there is anything to be distracted from here.”

Vic knew he was right. Instead of saying so, she only grumbled though. Travis would understand that he would be at the receiving end of her bad mood for the next couple of days. He could also deal with it.

“It’s the Captain,” Travis said though Vic wasn’t sure if he talked to himself or to her. Then he took the call. “Captain Sullivan?”

Oh god, Captain Sullivan. Vic felt her stomach drop once more. She knew that the captain knew about her and Lucas. Lucas had told him and even sought his advice once or twice. Lucas would probably tell him about the proposal and about the break-up, and it would make her look… she wasn’t sure what it would make her look like, but she was sure that it was just going to add to the pile of problems that she hadn’t thought about when she had started sleeping with Ripley.

“Vic?”

Vic lifted her gaze to look at Travis, who was holding out his phone for her. “The Captain wants to talk to you.”

“What?”

Travis shrugged his shoulders. “Apparently, he tried to call you, but you didn’t pick up.”

“I… am actually not sure where my phone is,” Vic said, feeling the back pockets of her jeans for her phone, “but why-“

“Just take the phone and ask him.”

Travis was right, Vic thought to herself. As little as she wanted to talk to Sullivan right now, she would only find out what he wanted from her – she really hoped it was not Luca-related because she wasn’t able to talk about that yet – when she took the phone.

“Captain?” she said, holding the phone to her ear. “Any problems?”

“You weren’t picking up your phone.”

It kind of sounded like a reproach, Vic realized and frowned. “I am not on call today, Sir. Still, I chose to-“

“No need to explain anything,” he said and cleared his throat quickly. “Hughes, don’t freak out, but I’m in the hospital with Luke and-“

“What do you mean in the hospital?” Vic asked, her heart suddenly racing. “What happened? Is he okay?”

She locked eyes with Travis, who was looking at her worriedly. She shrugged her shoulders and shook her head, telling him that she had no idea what was going on yet.

“He is okay. Dr. Pierce, one of the best doctors around, treats him. He has got a-“

“Sully.”

Lucas’ voice sounded demanding, and Vic could actually see him with his hand reached out, asking to be handed the phone, so he could talk to her. She just wasn’t sure how exactly she was supposed to imagine his condition. If he was in the hospital, it could be anything between _absolutely fine_ and _close to death_.

The thought made a cold shiver run down the length of her spine, but she pushed it away. His voice had sounded firm, so she wanted to believe that he was alright until she heard anything else.

There was a pause while the phone was being handed over. Vic was holding her breath until finally-

“Vic.”

“L- What happened?” she asked urgently, stopping herself from saying his name just in time. “Why are you in the hospital and how are you? Are you okay? Are you-?”

“I’m fine,” Lucas interrupted her, “absolutely fine, and I know you are mad. You have every reason to be. If you could just come to the hospital, so I can explain all of this to you and-“

“Which hospital?” she interrupted him. “Grey Sloan?”

“Yes. Thank you.”

“I will be there in fifteen minutes max. See you.”

She ended the call before Lucas could say anything else because no matter how much she wanted to know what had happened, so she had stood her up and ended up in the hospital, she didn’t want to hear about that on the phone. She wanted to look into his eyes while they were talking. Most of all, she wanted to see that he was indeed as alright as he had told her though.

“What happened?” Travis asked, still frowning at her. “Who’s in the hospital?”

“My hobby,” Vic replied hurriedly, handing him back his phone, “so I actually have to go again.”

Travis nodded his head. “Okay. Text me when you know anything.”

“I will.”

With that, Vic turned around and hurried out of the building. As soon as she had arrived at the parking lot, she ripped off the mask she had been wearing and ran to her car.

Maybe she hadn’t been as wrong about Lucas after all. They might not get married, but that was okay, she guessed, if he was only going to be okay and they weren’t as over as she had believed they were ten seconds ago.

* * *

Vic’s heart was thrumming in her chest rapidly, and her breathing was going so fast that she almost saw black dots dancing over her eyesight already. The moment she stepped into the emergency room of Grey Sloan Memorial, everything around and inside of her seemed to slow down though. Everyone seemed to be moving in slow motion. Her heartrate slowed down unnaturally, her breathing feeling like she was taking it in through a straw.

The last two times that she had been here, everything had turned out rather okay. A couple of months ago, Andy and Sullivan had made it out alive after they had gone missing in the storm. Sure, Sullivan had been in the hospital for some time, but it hadn’t been too bad. Just four months later, he had been back at the station, commanding them around.

With Travis it had been a little different. After the fire at the skyscraper he had been out for quite some time, and it had even looked quite bad for some time. Vic remembered exactly how scared and lost she had felt, thinking that he might not make it out alive.

Vic squeezed her eyes shut for a moment and sucked in a deep breath. Lucas had told her that he was okay, so she would believe him until she heard anything else. She would believe that he was fine and that he could explain everything to her, and it was all going to be fine. It had to be that way.

When Vic opened her eyes eventually, everything seemed to have fallen back into place. The world was moving at its normal pace. Her heart was still beating quickly, causing blood to rush in her ears, but she didn’t feel as close to fainting as she had a couple of seconds ago.

She stepped towards the reception desk, making the nurse sitting there lift her gaze with a polite but slightly tense smile. There was probably a lot going on in the ER right now.

“Hi, sorry,” she hurried to say, “I am looking for Lucas Ripley. He was taken into the ER this morning.”

“And you are?”

“I am his-“

Yeah, Vic thought to herself, who exactly was she to him? She wasn’t his fiancée. She might still be his girlfriend, but even that wasn’t entirely sure right now, so what was she about to say to that?

“If you aren’t a relative, I can’t give you any information. Sorry.”

“But I-“

An opening door caught her attention. Sullivan stepped out, followed by who Vic assumed was Dr. Pierce.

“Sorry.”

Vic mumbled the word without looking at the nurse and quickly left her spot at the reception desk to hurry over to Sullivan. As soon as he spotted her, he nodded in her direction and said something to Dr. Pierce, who turned into her direction too then.

“What happened?” she asked when she had gotten closer, troubling to keep her voice low enough to not disturb everyone around her. “Where is he? _How_ is he? Is he okay? Can I-”

“So, you’re Vic. I am Dr. Pierce.”

“How is he?” Vic asked once more, now directed at her. “Can I see him?”

“You can,” she said, the calm tone of her voice making Vic feel a lot more relaxed, “but he asked us or rather me to inform you about his condition before you go in.”

“His condition?” Vic said hesitatingly, feeling the new calm slipping away before it had really spread. “What is that supposed to mean? That doesn’t sound good.”

Vic’s glanced at Sullivan, hoping that his face would give away that it wasn’t as bad as it sounded. Sullivan knew Lucas. He knew how much he had been through and how much he was able to overcome. He was a firefighter, just like Lucas. He knew that they didn’t break easily because they weren’t like other people.

“So, your boyfriend has been taken in after he has collapsed on a sidewalk and lost consciousness. We found that he has an aortic stenosis which is a heart failure that he might have carried for years. It’s treatable, and, although an open-heart surgery is needed, it’s a quite routine surgery. I have done a surgery like that uncountable times. He’d be back out of the hospital in a week.”

_Routine surgery_.

_Done uncountable times_.

_Out of the hospital in a week_.

Vic tried to process this in the light of knowing that Dr. Pierce and Sullivan had both been acting like Lucas was on the verge of dying before. She didn’t really want to think about it, the bare thought made a cold shiver run down the length of her spine. She couldn’t help but wondering what was going on here though. Everything Dr. Pierce had said sounded quite hopeful. Hopeful just wasn’t what she was seeing in their faces.

“So, he is going to be okay.”

She had to hold onto that little thread of hope that Dr. Pierce’s words had given her.

“If it was just the aortic stenosis, I’d agree.”

“Then what else is there?”

“Our tests have shown that he has low calcium levels, and the numbers indicate that he was exposed to some potent toxin. We assume that it’s hydrofluoric acid.”

Vic felt another cold shiver running down her spine. The cold spread all through her body, creating goosebumps on her skin. She had trouble not to shiver and tried to get rid of some energy by clenching and unclenching her fist repeatedly.

So that was the reason for those serious faces.

“That’s bad, right?”

“Considering the aortic stenosis has already put stress on his heart, I’m worried this might be too much for his heart to take. He is suffering from respiratory problems, so we gave him adrenaline over a nebulizer mask, and we are trying to supplement his breathing with extra oxygen now. We also injected him methylprednisolone intravenously.”

Vic nodded and nodded and nodded, but she felt like she hadn’t understood a single word of what she had just been told. Dr. Pierce’s words were spinning in her head, forming to one big mess there.

“But he’s… he’s going to be okay, right?”

Dr. Pierce shot a brief glance at Sullivan, who nodded his head barely visibly. With held breath, Vic watched him turning towards her. He lifted his hand like he wanted to touch her shoulder. Changing his mind, he dropped his hands back to his hips and released a long breath.

“His condition is serious. There is hope, but the heart condition in addition to the toxication could take a toll on him. We have to prepare for the worst while we are waiting to see if the treatment is going to work.”

_Prepare for the worst._

That was the punch in the gut she had expected when she had seen their faces. That was the bad news she had expected before.

Vic’s heart clenched painfully. Every cell in her body seemed to ache. The bare thought of losing Lucas, especially like this and after she had thought the worst of him for quite some time today, just wasn’t fair. She wouldn’t be able to handle it.

“Since he arrived in the hospital and gained consciousness, he has been asking for you,” Dr. Pierce said gently, calling for her attention, “and he is fighting his need to sleep and catch some rest because he wants to see you first.”

Relief and regret rushed through Vic’s body at the same time and speed. He was awake which she was good. Consciousness was always a good thing. That he had been conscious, wondering where she was, left her with the bitter taste being angry with herself though. She should have called him instead of thinking that he had just dumped her like that. She should have trusted him and his feeling for her more.

“Vic.”

While they had been finishing their first fight, he had told her that he didn’t want to go. He didn’t want her to go. And, yes, he hadn’t answered when she had proposed, but the situation hadn’t been the best with so many firefighters around and with how out of the blue it had probably come for him. Still, he had been the one to suggest having breakfast together because he had wanted to talk about it rather than running away and-

“Hughes.”

Sullivan’s voice was so firm that it made Vic snap out of her thoughts and her muscles tense. She straightened up, immediately standing to attention.

“Go in,” he said, his voice a lot gentle now, “he’s waiting for you.”

Vic nodded and turned towards the door. Every single part of her body felt heavy, and yet she felt like she was floating. Her blood was rushing in her ear, everything around her being blurred like it wasn’t really there. It cost her more energy than she was sure she had to just lift her hand and knock at the door. Although no answer came, she opened the door and stepped inside.

With her gaze directed at the floor, she could hear the low sound of the machines that were monitoring his condition. There was a low rustling that probably came from the oxygen he was supplemented with. The slow and even beating of the electrocardiogram gave her hope that his heart wasn’t too bad yet.

Sucking in a deep breath, Vic finally lifted her gaze. Although her heart skipped a beat at the sight she was met with, she soon found that it wasn’t as bad she had feared it was. Lucas looked shorter and less strong in the hospital bed, surrounded by those machines she had only heard before and dressed in one of those terrible hospital gowns. His face was pale. She could see that much even with the breathing mask covering the lower part of his face. His eyes were wake though, and she could see the spark of a smile in them when his eyes met hers.

Tears were welling in her eyes although Vic had no idea where they came from. She should be smiling, not crying.

“You’re here.”

Lucas voice was muffled from the breathing mask, but she could hear how relieved he was. Still, she just stayed where she was and watched him. Her legs were shaking so much that she was scared that they could give out from under her. She knew that if she tried to take a single step, they’d give in.

He was alive, she reminded herself, alive and well. He was going to be well, and everything was going to be fine.

When Lucas lifted his hand, grabbing to pull the mask off his nose and mouth, Vic was finally able to move. With three large steps, she crossed the distance towards the bed and sat down on the edge of the mattress. She put her hand over his, gently guiding the mask back to where it belonged. Although it couldn’t have been more than three seconds, his chest was shaking from coughs.

“It’s okay,” she whispered soothingly, stroking her hands over his cheeks and leaning her head closer until their foreheads almost touched, “I am here now.”

She could feel how Lucas almost melted into the mattress. A long breath escaped him, and his eyes fluttered shut. Leaning back the slightest bit, Vic watched him. Her thumbs continued to brush through his stubble as she did so, hoping it would give him the safety of knowing that she was going to be here and stay here. She wasn’t going to leave his side again. Maybe he would finally get the rest that Dr. Pierce had said he needed.

Just when she was about to lean her forehead against Lucas’ completely and close her eyes to calm herself a little, Lucas’s eyes snapped open though. He looked at her intently, about to say something, but his body was shaking with new coughs.

A worried frown spread on her forehead, and she pulled back just enough to look at his face. Her knuckles brushed over his cheek. Her eyes were locked on his face, only interrupted by some brief glances at the emergency button.

“Vic.”

Lucas pressed her name out between two coughs. His hands lifted once more. This time, they didn’t reach for the breathing mask though. Instead, he put his hands right over hers and looked at her as intently as he had before.

“I told you I’d be there. I wanted to be there. I-“

He had trouble getting the words out. His voice sounded raspy. His body was shaking from the coughs he was trying to bite back. His heartrate had risen slightly.”

“It’s okay.” She slipped one hand out from under his and put it right over his heart. “I know that you wanted to be there. I know that you tried to get to me and that you tried to make me know that you are here. I know all of that. We can talk about everything else later. There is no rush.”

Lucas’ eyes narrowed the slightest bit, and she knew exactly what was going on in his head.

“I know,” she whispered, doing her best to not let her voice crack, “Dr. Pierce told me everything. Despite of that, I am telling you that there is no rush, and we can talk about everything else later. I just know that there will be a later.”

“I love you.”

Vic smiled through the tears in her eyes and brushed her lips against his forehead. They lingered there for some seconds, so she could give herself some time to regain a little bit of her self-control.

When she eventually took in a sniffling breath and pulled back a little, she found that Lucas’ facial muscles had completely relaxed. He had fallen asleep. Vic sent a brief prayer to heaven that he was going to wake up again in a couple of hours, feeling better.

He would, she told herself. He would wake up, and he would feel better. She had to hold onto that. She wouldn’t make it through the next hours any other way.

Stroking her hand over his cheek once more, she watched his face. He really didn’t look as sick as Dr. Pierce had explained her was. Of course, she believed her nonetheless. Her head was just not ready to wrap itself around this fact yet.

“You are going to be fine.”

* * *

Listening to the slow and even beating of his heartbeat, Vic watched Lucas sleep. Although she had been watching him for the past hours without any changes occurring, she didn’t dare to look away for even a second. She even did her best to blink as few times as possible. She was too scared what would happen.

During these hours, Lucas heartbeat had been stable. He had coughed every now and then, but it hadn’t been too bad. At least that was what the nurses that had come in every now and then had said. They had checked his monitors, changed his IV and taken a blood sample to check the numbers of his calcium. So far, she hadn’t heard anything about the results though.

They would inform her if the numbers were better and the danger was gone. But then, they would also inform them if the numbers had gotten worse. She guessed everything was still the way it had been when she had arrived. God knew if she should be relieved or worried about that.

When Lucas stirred slightly, Vic tightened her hold on his hand, making him know that she was still here like she had promised. Instead of falling back asleep, Lucas eyes fluttered open though. He frowned, looking confused.

“Hey.”

She hurried to get up from the chair at his bedside and sit down on the side of the mattress instead. Her hands framed his face, turning his head slightly, so his eyes were eventually meeting his.

“You’re in the hospital,” she whispered to him, “remember?”

She could basically see the moment it clicked with him. He sank back into the mattress a little. His hands came to grab her wrists, keeping her hands where they were rested at his cheeks. He snuggled his face into her touch as much as the breathing mask allowed him to.

“Was Dr. Pierce here yet?”

His eyes opened, trying to find the answer in her face alone. Vic shook her head nonetheless.

“No, she wasn’t here. She-“

A low knock at the door made her stop and turn her head back.

“Come in.”

The door opened, and Dr. Pierce stepped in. With a brief glance at Lucas, who had opened his eyes again by now, she started smiling and closed the door behind herself.

“Chief Ripley, I just got to take a look at your last blood samples, and they look good.”

“The treatment is working?”

Vic didn’t know why she sounded so surprise. Maybe it was because she knew that, if she led on how relieved she truly was, she’d probably start crying.

“The treatment is working,” Dr. Pierce replied, nodding her head, “so the calcium level looks a lot better.”

“And are there any long-time consequences to expect?” Vic asked.

“I can only say that with certainty once the calcium level has been back to normal for some hours and I have examined you,” she added towards Lucas, “but the blood tests look good, so for now I’d say it’s fine. I’d like to sound your lungs and heart though as those are the two organs, I have been most worried about so far.”

Vic nodded her head and got up from the bedside.

“I will leave you alone and-“

Before she could take a step away, Lucas’ hand already tightened around her fingers though. Looking at him, she found him frowning and shaking his head.

“You don’t think I will let you go anywhere before we talked, do you?”

Vic pressed her lips together and rolled them into her mouth before she stepped back to the bed and just held his hand. She watched while Dr. Pierce sounded Lucas’s heart and back, first from his breast and then from his back. Vic tried to read her face, but she just didn’t know the doctor good enough to read anything from that.

“Sounds good,” she said as soon as she leaned back and put the stethoscope around her neck, “so, as your doctor, I am very satisfied with the progression you have made.”

“Any possibility we can change this for something… more comfortable?” Lucas asked gestured at the breathing mask. “It’s a little hard to have a good conversation with this.”

He looked at Dr. Pierce intently, and the way she looked back at him with a hidden grin before shooting Vic a glance and eventually nodding her head. Something in the way she still had that hidden grin on her face told Vic that maybe Dr. Pierce knew as much as Lucas and Vic herself about why they needed to talk so urgently.

“Let’s try this,” Dr. Pierce suggested, turning back to Lucas with a nasal cannula, “so you are still-“

When her pager went off, Dr. Pierce stilled with the tube still in her hands. Looking at the display of her phone, her facial expression darkened slightly.

“Any problems?” Vic asked.

“Yes, but they concern a different patient of mine. I gotta go, so could you-“

“Of course,” Vic hurried to say and took the tube from Dr. Pierce.

“You stay rested,” she said to Lucas, already stepping towards the door, and “and I will check on you again later.”

With that, she disappeared from the room. Vic stepped towards the machines, unplugged the breathing mask that Lucas was still using and plugged in the nasal cannula instead. Sitting down on the edge of the mattress, she took the mask off for Lucas and put the nasal cannula in place instead. She moved a little closer while she was fastening the tubes under his chin.

She could feel Lucas looking at her. Although she was focused on her work here, she could feel that the expression in his eyes was intense. Goosebumps were spreading down her back in response.

“So, I guess that should-“

The moment her eyes met Lucas’, he grabbed the front of her shirt and pulled her close. His lips claimed hers in a long and passionate kiss. He opened his lips and let his tongue trace the seam between her lips. When Vic sighed, he slipped his tongue into her mouth and let it dance with hers. It was slow and gentle, everything that Vic needed and not nearly enough at the same time.

She had thought that she’d break down. All the stress and fear of the last hours should be crushing down on her now. That would probably still come later. For now, she was just happy that Lucas was better.

Their kiss ended almost as abruptly as it had started. Lucas’ eyes locked with hers intently, and he slowly moved his hand from the front of her shirt to the side of her neck and up to her cheek. He cupped her face like that, his thumb stroking over his cheek bone ever so gently. The corners of his lips tugged into a smile.

“I still owe you an answer.”

Vic felt her heart jump into her throat, and her breathing getting caught. Holding her breath, she just looked at him, waiting for him to say what he had wanted to say before already. She just hadn’t let him say it.

“It’s yes, Victoria,” he said firmly although his voice was lowered to a whisper, “of course it’s yes.”

Vic felt the tears that she had expected before, springing to her eyes now. A sob fell from her lips and more followed, coming out of her mouth instead of the words that she wanted to say. As much as she tried to get a hold on it, she just couldn’t.

Lucas, having the great heart and the admirable understanding he always had, moved a little bit to the side. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her down, until she was lying in bed next to him, snuggled to her side.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, “everything is going to be okay.”

With those words whispered into her hair and ear and the comfort of knowing that Lucas was going to be fine, Vic let the exhaustion take over and pull her into sleep.

* * *

“I put fresh linen on the bed just this morning, and I brought your pillow from your place because you always complain that mine are too fluffy.”

Lucas heard Vic kicking the door shut behind them and setting his duffle bag, that she had refused to let him carry upstairs into her apartment, down on the floor. While she was busy putting her purse away, slipping out of her jacket and dropping her keys to their usual spot, Lucas took a look around her apartment.

It looked exactly how he remembered it, but it was a little tidier than he was used to. Apparently, she had used the sleepless hours of the last nights to clean everything up. Lucas knew that she hadn’t slept much these past nights since he had been brought to the hospital. He hadn’t slept much either. He had grown too used to sleeping snuggled up to Vic already.

The bouquet of flowers that was put on the small couch table caught his attention – roses and pennies. As soon as Dr. Schmitt had entered his hospital room and asked how he was doing, the idea had come to his mind. He has asked him to get a bouquet, just like the one that he had already chosen for Vic before he had collapsed. Although it wasn’t his job, Dr. Schmitt had agreed. He had taken the card Lucas had written the words _I want to spend the rest of my life with you_ on and send the flowers to Vic. It had been a while, but they were still blossoming.

It felt good to be back home. _Home_. Watching Vic, he let that word echo in his head. This wasn’t his home in terms of him living here. At least officially, he was still living in his house a few blocks away. Unofficially, they hadn’t really discussed their living arrangements yet. They had just come to the wordles agreement that wherever they would go once he was ready to go to the hospital, they would go there together. This was his home because Vic was here and wherever she was, it was going to be his home from now on.

When Vic lifted her gaze and saw him just standing there with his hands on his hips, watching her, she perked up her eyebrows.

“You heard what Dr. Pierce said. You still have to rest, so go to bed.” She clapped her hands twice and gestured towards the bedroom door. “Chop-chop.“

Now it was his turn to perk up his eyebrows. “Chop-chop?”

“Chop-chop,” Vic repeated, nodding her head, “and no backtalk.”

Lucas was actually kind of speechless at the way she was talking to him like he was a child or something like that. The amused spark in her eyes made him chuckle eventually and shake his head though.

“You are enjoying this, don’t you?”

“Enjoying what?”

“Bossing me around.”

Vic grinned unashamedly. She wasn’t bothered at all that he had looked like through it, and Lucas felt it warming him from inside out. He loved that teasing side of her. He loved that bossy side of her. God, he just loved everything about her!

With that thought in mind, he crossed the distance towards her. His arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her against him. His lips lowered to hers, stealing a slow and gentle kiss. When he straightened back up, breaking the kiss, Vic moved her hand into his hair and pulled him back down. Their lips found each other once more, sharing another sweet kiss.

Lucas hummed contently when their lips parted for real. He kept his forehead rested against Vic’s, just needing to be come to her for a few seconds more. Their noses brushed together with every breath they took. It was actually kind of perfect.

“You do know that I am not used to being bossed around, right?” he asked, pulling back just enough to look at her. “Since I am the Chief.”

“And, with that, my boss’ boss’ boss,” Vic said, “I remember. Faintly.”

Lucas chuckled and dipped his head forward. “Well, for the record, I kind of like being bossed around by you.”

“Yeah?”

Vic grinned, not at all surprised by his statement. If the way she squirmed slightly and licked her lips while her eyes were lowering to his lips, she thought about their little encounter at Station 19 after the storm. She had bossed him around, ordering him to lock the door, and he had followed her demand. He always did and always would.

“Absolutely.”

Straightening up on the tips of her toes, Vic captured his lips in another slow kiss. Lucas wrapped both of his arms around her waist and bend her back a little, so Vic was almost lying in his arms. She responded to it by tightening her arms around his neck and deepening the kiss at the same time.

When their lips parted, Vic nuzzled his nose and moved her hands over his hair gently. She knew how much he enjoyed that feeling. He moved one hand down her back to the waistband of her jeans and allowed his fingers to sneak under the fabric of her pullover. He put his hand flat against the small of her back, enjoying the feeling of her soft skin.

“Lucas?” she whispered eventually.

“Hm?”

“Go to bed now.”

Lucas chuckled. Of course she wouldn’t let go of it.

“Fine,” he grumbled, not exactly pleased at the prospect of spending even more time in bed after he had basically been out for almost two weeks now, “but you will come with me.”

He laced his fingers through hers and tugged at her hand. He pulled her into the bedroom with him. Vic went willingly because she knew as well as he did that she needed the rest too. And she had probably missed lying in her bed with him by her side as much as he had missed lying there together with her. Snuggling up to each other in a hospital bed just wasn’t the same.

They both slipped out of their shoes and jeans. When Vic took off her pullover and bra, he pushed his tongue against the inside of his cheek. A single strict glance from Vic was enough for him to know that this wasn’t an option though. As much as she loved breaking the rules with him, she would follow every single one of Dr. Pierce’s orders. Waiting a little longer until they were having sex had been one of them. With the betablockers, he guessed he wouldn’t be in form anyway.

Lucas took off his shirt and handed it to Vic, who smiled and put it on. She loved sleeping in his clothes, and he loved watching her with his clothes on. The way she lifted the neckline to his nose and breathed in the scent of his skin that stuck to the fabric made his stomach tingle in the best way possible.

They settled in bed together. Lucas lay down on his back, and Vic snuggled up to his side. Her head came to rest on his shoulder. She pushed one of her legs between both of his. She rested her left hand over the plaster on his chest. Underneath it, a huge scar would forever remind him of how he had missed one of the most important dates of his life.

He had missed the date, Lucas thought to himself and rested his hand over Vic’s, but he had still gotten the girl. He was a lucky man.

“So,” he said eventually, brushing his fingertips over the back of her hand, “have you told anyone yet?”

He didn’t have to specify it for Vic to know what he meant. There was just one thing that was worth telling people right now. Their big news about their relationship and their secret was still mainly between them. They had agreed to tell people, but they hadn’t really deepened that thought yet.

“Travis because he knew about the proposal and everything.” Vic shrugged her shoulders, looking at him. “But nobody else. Not yet. And you? Have you told anyone?”

Lucas shook his head. “Nope.”

Vic frowned. “Not even your sister?”

“No,” Lucas replied with a chuckle, “not even Jennifer.”

Vic’s frown deepened, and she propped her head up on one hand to look at him. Lucas perked up his eyebrows, wordlessly asking what was going through her head.

“Why didn’t you tell her? Or Sullivan or anyone?”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone else but Montgomery?”

“I asked first.”

Lucas pressed his lips together for a moment, thinking about his answer. When he looked at Vic, she looked at him slightly suspiciously.

“Okay, don’t get me wrong,” he said carefully, “but I kind of like that nobody but us knows.”

Vic chuckled. “You do know that our decision to get married actually started with a conversation about how we manage to not be a secret any longer right.”

“And I absolutely don’t want to be a secret anymore,” he reassured her because nothing had changed about that, “but telling people about the wedding will make them stick their noses into it. We will have to answer all of these questions, and everyone will have an opinion and that will only complicate the entire process we will have to go through at the department once they have found out.”

He knew that, rationally speaking, it would be the best to tell people instantly. It was a little miracle that nobody had caught them with all the times that Vic had visited him at the hospital. When they came out now, stating that they were together and getting married, they would get out of this with just few questions being asked officially. If someone caught them before they could come clean about it, that was going to be different.

Lucas had been through all of the wedding turmoil twice already. He had gotten married twice, and it had been a big event both times. As much as he had wanted to get married those first two times, the time between telling people that they were engaged and saying yes had felt incredibly long and stressful.

And there hadn’t been any work affairs in the mix of that. They would have to answer to the people from Human Resources about their relationship, and quite some people in the department would have to say something about this too. They would be the number one subject of gossip.

Locking his eyes with Vic’s once more, Lucas noticed that she was still frowning at him.

“What exactly are you trying to say?”

Lucas chuckled, lifting both of his hands to cup her cheeks and pull her face down to his. He kissed her gently, reassuring her once more that, even though he might have sounded like he had doubts, there was nothing that he wanted more than to get married to her.

“What I am trying to say,” he said when their lips parted, “is that I can’t wait to be married to you. If it was up to me, we’d get married as soon as possible like tomorrow or next week or whenever there is a first chance.”

The last two weeks had been full of bumps in the road. Passing out and discovering that he had a heart condition, shockingly, was the easier part of it. The fact that he had been exposed to toxins that had almost killed him was the harder part. There hadn’t been a lot missing from him actually dying and never getting a chance at getting married to Vic, never mind accepting her proposal.

That experience had reminded him of what was really important in his life. He had to take the chance he was given as long as he got a chance at doing so.

“Then let’s do it.”

Vic’s voice was low, but it didn’t miss confidence. Lucas looked at her with surprise.

“What?”

“Let’s do it,” Vic repeated, shrugging her shoulders, “let’s get married as soon as possible.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Vic rubbed her hand over his heart. “I mean we talked about going a vacation which led to us talking about outing our relationship which led to us talking about getting married to prevent disciplinary actions which led to us actually talking about getting married for real. Then you were in the hospital and all of those ideas almost ran through our fingers. I don’t want that to happen.”

A part of Lucas just wanted to say yes, grab her hand and go to City Hall right now. He stopped himself from being too enthusiastic though.

“Are you sure?” he asked. “You really don’t want a big wedding with a white dress and-“

“I told you I’m not the girl for heart and rainbows,” she interrupted him. “I want you, and I want to be married to you. Screw the big, fancy wedding. We can still have that after we have gotten married for real and after we have been through all the stress of letting people in on our little secret. We don’t even have to decide that right now. Let’s just use the time that we have and get married right now.”

Lucas looked at Vic intently, making sure that she really meant what she said. He didn’t want her to regret that decision later on. Relinquishing on a big wedding was not something that should be done easily. It wasn’t something to undo later on either. Even if they could still have a big event later on, their actual wedding would always be the small ceremony she might be agreeing to right now and right here.

There was no doubt in her eyes though. She really meant it. She wanted this as much as he wanted this.

“Okay.” Lucas smiled. “We will take a day of rest, get some much-needed sleep and take care to get an appointment as soon as we can.”

“And we won’t tell anyone.”

“Not a single soul.”

They smiled at each other for a long moment, just enjoying this little agreement they had just come to. As both of their smiles widened, their lips met in a kiss, sealing this agreement.

Lucas could feel his heart flutter. They were getting married for real very soon, and he really couldn’t wait.


End file.
